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Divorce Counselor in Alabama


Many of us try to resolve relationship conflicts by demanding an overhaul of our partners. Why? Often, we define the problem in terms of the other person: “I have problems because of you and the way you are,” we are inclined to tell them.

Many years of couples’ and individual counseling have convinced me that defining partnership problems in terms of our partner’s character flaws and implying that he / she is inadequate and needs help will exacerbate the conflict.

Typically, I define couples’ problems in terms of the differences between them rather than the defects in either partner. A focus on defectiveness leads to blame and accusations on the one hand and defensiveness on the other. Effective solutions are not likely to result.

I know you are thinking that sometimes there are “defects” in one or both partners. Yes, it is true that we are all products of imperfect upbringings and therefore have limitations. However, trying to resolve our conflicts by manipulating or coercing our partner to be a certain way will only lead to frustration, defensiveness and attacks.

Differences: Handle with TLC

Sometimes, it seems as if our partners’ differences are aimed to hurt or annoy us. Consider, for example, how the need for intimacy and the expression of closeness, significant building blocks of a partnership, can vary between partners and cause tension. Incompatibilities in this area are particularly threatening because closeness is the reason most of us seek out a relationship.


Location: Alabama, USA Labels:

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